I am working under the hypothesis that I am from a narcissistic family, and that resolution of problems with certain people in that group is impossible. Certainly this is borne out by my experience so far in life, wondering why it always feels like I'm the one who has to adjust and make accomodations and be concerned that everyone is feeling OK. Almost to the same degree that I have adopted the role of being flexible in this regard, others seem to have adopted the role of being inflexible.
Interesting observations I've read about online include, 1) because the narcissist can never take responsibility for errors, therefore the narcissitic family dynamics always get worse. Hurt and unresolved problems always accumulate because there is no mechanism for resolution. 2) 'No Contact,' the thing that I am doing now, is an accepted mechanism to get unhooked from the family pattern. 3) The GoldenChild/Scapegoat dynamic. Some members can do no wrong while other members can do no right, and to implausible degrees.
I think I am healing in certain ways. Certainly the feeling of stress I commonly had at family gatherings is not a factor now. Also, I find I am partipating in other relationships better, so more involved, more prepared to talk about real things, more prepared to laugh, but this is an important feature to me of my disfunction, that I have so few quality relationships outside of my family of origin.
But now that is changing. More to come...