Guns, WTF.

Guns are obviously great things to have.  They're fun to shoot and you can also protect yourself from people who might want to harm you.  Not long ago there was that guy in the hoodie terrorizing that neighborhood, what was he doing again, carrying candy and ice tea home from the store or something, but it was dark and he was black.  If you have a gun you can protect yourself from people just like that, and you can shoot them.

Historically, guns have been great too.  In America before the revolution there was a democracy, and then the taxes got high and there was tax on everything, even tea, and people got annoyed, but the more annoyed they got, the less the government behaved democratically, and the less democratically the government behaved, the more annoyed the people got.  This, of course, got worse and worse until it was a war.  Since then, Americans have legally ensured that citizens could shoot their way out of oppression, and shoot their way right back to democracy.

This worked in Iraq too, and Afghanistan, and in Libya, and Syria, people are just shooting their way to democracy and peace, so guns essentially are like an envelope you can use to send peace and democracy anywhere you want. 

Another amazing thing about guns is that the more of them there are, the less they can hurt people.  That may seem counter-intuitive, but wait, this is how it works:  Criminals harm people using guns, but if there are more people carrying guns, criminals will also be subject to harm, and so the fear you might have of getting shot turns you into a mean killer, which makes the criminals scared and they'll shoot first knowing they might get shot at, but then the good guys'll shoot back and with all the shooting, well, as we discussed earlier, shooting everything up is how to get out from under oppression, and the safer everyone will be, obviously.

And not to belabour the point, but not only are more guns safer, but guns that shoot more bullets are also safer, so like this kid that shot all the kindergarten kids was using one of these so called, automatic assault weapons, but imagine how much safer things would be if the principle had one.  She came out of her office and was immediately shot, but if she'd had more and better weapons, and if other teachers were similarly armed, this would never have happened.  The kid would have been too scared to show up at school since all the teachers would have just shot him first.

So, as you can see, guns are great things to have and they are also fun, but most of all, they are a tool that makes everything safer for everybody, and the more people who carry more destructive guns, the safer and more free we all will be.